yaroq

ends

2006-11-03T23:00:00.000-12:00

It ends here.

No, I'm not going to end my life, hahha.

Yaroq's shifting to www.yaroq.wordpress.com

rub salt

2006-11-02T23:27:00.000-12:00

Rub more salt on me.
Smart of you eh?
How much more do you want me to feel stupid?

no way

2006-11-02T14:10:00.000-12:00

I'm freak-a-ed.
Exams done, some results are back.
And all I say is, "What?"
And all I do is look at it in dismay and put it aside.
And now I say, "This part of life's circle is so repeativive. But I never learn. No, it can't be because I never learn. I know fully well of it, but each time my background is painted differently. Yeah, blame it on that."

2006-11-01T00:52:00.000-12:00

What may be unseen, remains unseen.
The seen, shall be taken advantage upon.
Therefore, search for the unseen.

Writing, a passion?
Write, even though no one leaves comments.
(Something I've learnt from PhYW, contained in the welcome note/brief history.)
And so it goes the same to everything else benefical.

Form of perserverance?

Thoughts in, thoughts out.
What matters most is how well you know yourself to last.

Eh. Um.
I will not be going to church this Sunday.
Which does not mean it is not one of my better off priorites.
I mean, if it really is so, people would think then that I should be going then.
(I don't care what they say about me.. it's alright, it's alright. Hah, kidding.)
Well, I could go to like another service.
After all, going to church with a true purpose preveils.
Meaning that, even if you do go to church, but for wrong purposes, then it would be like not going at all.

Anyway.
People stumbling because of me, may be caused by the lack of knowledge about me.
Therefore, it is something very very very hard.

lots

2006-10-24T04:10:00.000-12:00

Why can't I just sit down and concentrate?
Bible Knowledge exam's on Wednesday!

Oh anyway, I was viewing a few of my friends profile on Friendster and some wrote something like this:
Hates: Back stabbers, liars, blablabla
Who would ever like back stabbers and liars??
Hahha it's really funny.
Thing is, if they hate liars, they are actually controlled by one.
Why?
Because know not they, hear not they the Living Word or rejected it they have.
(Yoda's really is a cute one)

Hmmm.. random stuff lately:
Let me just say that I'm the founder Pulau Telur, since last Friday.

Mentos Limited Edition: Sour Mix!
It's so far the best ever Mentos.

Dead rat in school along the cover wakway

Inai!

Went out with Catherine on Friday to find senior prefect's souviners, and jalan-jalan on the way.

Haze is here in Kluang!
Gahhhh.

Imagine... "Life with a Flower"
Something we saw in YC.

Looked at clothes..

Looks like bottles for urine samples..

Grandmothers are smarter than grandfathers?
In this case, maybe, since his brain has been extracted.

Wants to do this in future..

Saw fake policeman.

Saw real ones too...

Acted.

Acted again, but went home regretting not throwing it away.

Wedding on Saturday:
At last I got to see them playing, after all those discussions during BK

Wooo....

Jeanette's hand desperate for a second chance
(yellow ribbons).

It looks like church's kinda glorious?

Now you know where the plate
landed before it got missing.
(the one that was announced missing in church)

Jeanette's flowery skirt and flowery flowers!

Program sheet.

Later in YF:
Cluedo freaks? hahha

Chess..
I've realised over the pass years,
I have never won any intellectual games.
Makes me feel really stupid man.

malunya

2006-10-16T13:50:00.000-12:00

Shame on me!
English was really really terrible.
Hey, did you know that Albert Einstein and Bill Gates did not finish school?
ARGHHHH!!

Gideon's post, My comment

2006-10-12T15:20:00.000-12:00

9 October 2006
Loud Worship?!

I've read many articles in the net, and I've seen many are against the way we praise our God. They say the music are more.. erm.. loud, and when we sing the "loud" songs, we only focus towards the music, not God. At first I'm so disappointed on the way they think, but, I think I found out that I'm actually proving them right.

I found myself doing the same mistakes all the time. Everytime during worship in yf, when we sing praise (fast) songs, I found myself jumping just to release every tension and stress. Yes, we are suppose release everything, but we are suppose to release everything through God, not through music only. One of the reason I started counting "1,2,3,4!" (known as the 4 counts) in yf is because I want to encourage those who are afraid to move, to jump so that next time they can worship God without fear. But I think this "4 counts" is turning into a tradition for me.

I think we should do what Jit says (maybe all of you already started): during worship, we should imagine Jesus dying on the cross infront of us. That's when real worship will take place, because Jesus will be in our minds when we worship, not just music.

And to those who are against "loud" songs: Psa 150:5- 'Praise him with cymbals. Praise him with LOUD cymbals'

Everything I said is from my own opinion, so, i dunno whether what I right or wrong (I think there's no right and wrong). So, if I offended somebody, sorry...

posted by koocheekoo @ 3:54 PM

My thoughts on this (a more precise version than the one on Gideon's): hmm. Actually, during the pass few weeks or so I have been wondering during worship (actually praising: loud songs? but we praise too during slow songs?) whether people really mean what they sing. Maybe what Aunty Yoke Mei told us was kinda true, if we can't mean what we sing, then don't sing out those words. But the thing is, when we sing out those words, then it be like us telling God, in hope, that we will do it. And something else will come to mind, what if we didn't do that something we always "hope" we can acheive each time we sing it? But, we will be accountable for the promiss we make?

EXAMPLE: The song All Day's pre-chorus goes, "Cause I love You, I'll follow You, You are my, my life.. I will read my Bible and pray, I will follow You all day...". What if I had not done my quiet time for every Thursday and Friday that week, then go to YF and there I am, jumping. I promise to God, but when the next week comes, the same thing happens, and I feel double the guilt. The following week, I'm maybe a lil' smarter. The song goes on and I don't jump. But people ask me too. I mean, I know the worship leader's intention is to take away shyness within or some sort, but.. would I be making empty promises again? What's the purpose of jumping/dancing anyway? I think it's the same as why we lift up our hands? A form of worship/praise. How we express ourselves.

I don't know if you who are reading can understand this, but I am truly confused and do not know how to put my thoughts down. Yeap.

pantun mengenang nasib

2006-10-11T23:10:00.000-12:00

Buah berangan masaknya merah,
Kelekati dalam perahu,
Luka di tangan nampak berdarah,

Luka di hati siapa tahu.

alone

2006-10-10T17:40:00.000-12:00

and all you hear are sounds of the clock ticking
in the dining, in the sitting room
silence, being alone
at home, doing the supposed

calmness within brings out much comfort
no pressure,
but everything's prim and proper when orang besar steps home

i've had two years of it,
first two years of secondary school
and i'm enjoying it this week,
once
again.

Dad's away in ibu negeri for PMR marking meeting,
so that makes me home alone till Mum's done with her work.

Some stuff I wondered while studying Science:
If the sky were to be seen blue to humans on earth because of the scattering of light, what really is the original colour of the sky? (In space, the sky in black to humans. According to my reference book.)

prefects test

2006-09-30T20:05:00.000-12:00

My RC (Reka Cipta) teacher approached me and my two other friends and asked us to help her out with our school website. Yayyie. That would be after exams of course. I think I'll enjoy doing it. Discovering a lot of things. Learning how to use different programes. Wahhh... *drools*

Anyway, I was sick, unable to do anything (pratically) for a week. And hey, that leaves me to one week of studying before exams starts. Hahh. Now "That's why lah, study last minute." Cannot tahan this phrase. Maybe. It just makes me feel more guilty and unmotivated.

Well, being prefect leader for four days was nice. And... seniors played on us!!! Sigh. Crazy people. Yet, creative. Haha. Some more kenakan me... Oh. Well. I've learnt a lot.. thanks to all seniors.. although you all feel dissapointed with our actions. Khoo Hui Ying.. best acting award goes to you! In short of what happened, Hui Ying acted as the one who lost RM900+ (she's the prefect board's treasurer and that money was from the prefect's board).

After recess, it was reported to the prefect leaders, me and two others. So we did spot check on her class, etc etc thinking that it was for real.. but it was actually the seniors testing us how we would react. But we failed.. and dissapointed them (as said). They told us only during the prefect's meeting, that it was a test, after we told all the prefects what happened that whole week. Well, it turned out that that was not the only test... haha.

Fun loh. Um. Yeah.

sick

2006-09-27T20:32:00.000-12:00

Being sick now makes me worried.

scold

2006-09-25T21:15:00.000-12:00

How could someone say something
not knowing
if
it
really
happened?

"Scold ady but didn't cry, just keep on smiling.."
I bet you don't know how much I
suffered.

After seeing your face in silence for 2 1/2 hours
tears still drop loh.

Aishan cried yesterday. Only yesterday.

His impacts
how can anyone forget?

* *

Yeah, the BBQ didn't turn out right.
Or say, the way I wanted it to be?
But it was fun.

I'm taking a low down turn for some time.
Maybe, a long time.

To those two questions I posted and asked people to stay tuned?
Here it goes:
1) Cause it's finger lickin' good
2) It's a fast food restaurant! *duhhh*

And I made up the second one. Yeah, the chairs are indeed fat.
Doesn't make much sense, does it?

Neither do I.

Quiz

2006-09-23T23:58:00.000-12:00

I like notebooks.
Like Aunty Yoke Mei brings a book everywhere she goes,
so I bring a notebook everywhere I go.

I went out for dinner today and then out to town.
I walked towards the wrong direction for three times.
As in, we were supposed to walk that way, but I walked the other way.
Don't know why.
I mean, how would I know if they are going this way or that way, right?
I just expect them to walk that way, and well,
me being in front just walk loh.
Walk wherever my sense of direction leads to.

As for the unseen, I think I have no sense of direction at all.
I have been getting so easily frustrated by people who...
just can't do a simple thing...
But maybe that simle thing to me may not be a simple thing to them.

Which refers to.. the Accounts quiz I went on Thursday!
First time ever in my life history I entered a quiz.
And the end result: "Simple thing also cannot answer.."

I don't like that.
I mean, I ended up crying. And feeling terrible the whole day.
And keeping quiet the whole tuition duration.
He making mistakes, me asking in my heart,
"You can make mistakes lah, others cannot..
Think you so perfect meh?"

But all is well.
Somehow, in the end, I'm slowly learing much about him.
But he's weird.

Uhm, as if I'm not??

Right-o.

Hope all will go well for farewell tomorrow.

Cheers to BBQ!

2006-09-16T23:45:00.000-12:00

SMSes at 12 in the morning berturut-turut..
Recess (fried rice, nuggets, fish balls, fried egg) prepared by Ah Meow..
Big cake during recess..
Stuff wrapped nicely, neatly, colourfully received..
MP3 player, pencil cases (one crossed stitched by seniors), earings.. blah blah
Cake again after baptism class..
Magnet and jacket received..

I have no feelings.

After all, it's been sixteen years.

Well, yeah, my classmates got an MP3 player for me (128MB).
Doesn't sound much does it?
No, that's not the point.
Point is in 3.1657
and thought.

haha.

How come KFC doesn't provide toilet paper in their toilets?
How come chairs in KFC are so fat?

Stay tunned people.

By the way, reading "some" other people's blogs have been making me discouraged.
Nudge... nudge..

Saturday

2006-09-10T00:17:00.000-12:00

Saturday's

If I had not a facade, then what am I to do when I'm sad or frustrated, and meet people who expects me to have a happy face? It's so doesn't-make-sense.

Hate, anger, frustration.
TRUST.
It came in a still small voice.

I'm not sure if Eunice, you do read my blog..
but I keep forgeting to thank you for Psalms 13.
Thank you.

Well, attending a PBSM course today in STK from 9am to 3.30pm was fun and beneficial. For once, I've attended some talk, feeling sastisfied after that, going off happily. Ever after.Fun lah. Maybe it's the people too loh. But anyway, I feel refreshed after this course. Somewhat lah.

Putting on our.. shoots, I forgot what it's called.
Two fingers above our eyebrows!

Receiving our certs.. in a proper way.

Teachers, SJMers and SMCCers.

Don't you feel the harmony??
Presenting.. Pulau Harmoni, by the way.

Pn. Murni and us.
Teacher looks cute.

I heard STK won "Sekolah Selamat" or something?
That's why they have weird signs around..

Check out one of the girls toilet..
hahha.

In YF, after that.

I have a barrel
And a barrier stands in the midst
What?
No one else has this barrel?
There's no barrier?
Why leh?
It's unseen.
*
It's time to sleep
Yes, I close my eyes
but all I got was.
Tears.

I admit, I'm hurt.
I admit, the barrier stands bigger than a barrel.
No, it's not my parents.
It's just..
JUST.

life

2006-09-08T23:58:00.000-12:00

Work to be done... starts hating the computer...
Tired... falls asleep looking at the computer...

Life.

saw them

2006-09-01T18:10:00.000-12:00

Interesting and suprising and funny-ing.

After meeting at 3.30, took a bus to bus station.
From there, I walked to the photo shop beside McD's.

Walking on the bridge, saw Mark.
Crossed the road, and saw Chen An.
Hahha.

Cheers to a new month!!
Yeah, that leaves a month more for studies before exams take over.

DNA Report

2006-08-30T23:50:00.000-12:00

This was my first try:

My Personal Dna Report

And my second:

My Personal Dna Report

True?
Whada say?

I find my second one more me.
hahha

Falling

2006-08-25T10:23:00.000-12:00

Everything's falling apart.

I don't know why.

But I took a lot of time.

Worrying

2006-08-20T22:13:00.000-12:00

How can I stop my mind from worrying unnessary things?

It all causes kiasu-ness and me feeling stupid? dumb?

Dad bought something for me

2006-08-18T18:46:00.000-12:00

I don't know..
how to react, what to do.

Dad was in 'Ibu Negeri' since Wednesday.
He just came back..
and he bought me a bag (supposedly for school)..
Which frankly, I don't think it's worth the money (RM43) for such material used.
And I don't really like it.. as in it's not very suitable for school (to me).
Argh.

How?
It's so expensive.. and haihyoh.
I can't believe he bought it for me...................

I've nothing to say..
I can't say anything..
I don't know what to say..

I just don't know what to do now..
I can't get over it..
I mean, he bought something for me!!!!!
And I don't like it!!!!

awkjfbkcwfjkhwkgbw
g a h h h h h

By the way, those who got the blog survey form thingy,
please fill it up and pass it to me tomorrow?
Remember ahh..
thanks muchies

doulos

2006-08-18T01:03:00.000-12:00

Just for the sake of it:
This is the amount of CDs Jie and I bought from Doulos.
Jiejie chose most of them (I bet she has been eying on them).
Have been listening to them and it sounds good.
Hey...
One for RM8/RM16??

rojak

2006-08-16T03:20:00.000-12:00

tell you, but don't understand.
i don't blame you for having a limited perspective on things.

i miss your presence.
i have no idea why no nothing.

do i deserve it?

i'm finding love everlasting instead.
comfort. muacks.
lovely.
you know.
i can have a passionate relationship with the
ageless romancer.
=)

well, i wonder.
am i becoming depressed?
i wouldn't know right?

there are much things unseen.
but the tension in the air.
how long will it last?
no speak.
hey, both not seeing why the things both does.
we clash into this thick cloud of
if this is how you think,
sorry, but it's damned to me.

little thoughts.
big troubles.
shaking to the brim!

i need sleep.

you, by the way.
means different you's.

4RCA

2006-08-15T01:20:00.000-12:00

After seven months.

I can now truly proudly say:
I LOVE MY CLASS.

all our name tags!
photography session for school magazine

A class FULL of

Talentedness

the guy with the wau represents Encik Ali and
the orang utan, doesn't it look like Syarifah?

Weirdness + Craziness

she takes out her shoes in class everyday

gettin' nough o2 from a bottle cap

supposedly a drawing competition drawing the ugliest picture
(consisted of only one contestant)

i have no idea about this man..

an interupted shot

reminds me of Threadless.. hahha

Kpo-ness
she's not from our class, but she keeps coming to ours,
bring the latest news from all around the whole wide world!
hahh. nah.
actually.. it's just the school.

What basically sums all of us up?
A never ending sleeping class.
these shots were taken in one day without their knowledge

brought to you by
a proud sleeper from 4RCA 06 SMKCC Kluang
bringing you a glispse of an everyday life in class

enjoy school!

No communication

2006-08-04T18:35:00.000-12:00

Wakes up at.. what? 6.15am? leaving at 6.30am?
*struggles out of bed with 'but we usually leave at 6.45' in her mind*

Yeah. She was told just this morning.

She came home from school at 4.45pm, after listening to nothing
but Chinese-that-she-doesn't-understand.

Mei Qi's dad sent her home 'cause dad's giving tuition till 6pm.

*wondered*
Then how is mum coming home at 5.30pm?

*takes a look around her surroundings*
*remembers mum mentioning about her going to KL some time ago*

Oh. She went to KL izzit?

*remembers parents conversation this morning:
mum asked dad to pick her after school*

Yeah. She did.
*looks at all the notes on the dining table*

She did.
And she did not know anything about it.

And it all began with.
There was no communication.
Maybe. Never intended to.
Maybe. Ever.

Drunk driving.

2006-08-02T14:15:00.000-12:00

Drunk driving.
How come it's always stressed on cars not motorbikes?

Stadium

2006-07-23T13:35:00.000-12:00

I was talking to my dad. About scholarships. And curiculum helps.. mentioned that MSSM is a good chance. He sort of remarked or implied 'then go loh..'. Some sort. Oh well. Anyway, he said okay. Like it was Tuesday/Wednesday when it was brought up. I informed teacher that I will not be able to make it. Told him that I could after that. Went for the last training on Friday. I'm a reserve. And the last runner couldn't make it cause she was working. So I ran her place.

The story behind it: During MSSJ, our team kena batal. Didn;t pass the baton within the zon pertukaran. It was saringan. Obviously we did not make it to the finals. Sultan Ibrahim, JB made it. Our time was 2:05, while the JB team's time was 2:06. Mr Adnan, our cool coach, received a telaphone call. He told us that we are given a chance to compete against the JB team. If we beat them and our time is good, we will get to go to MSSM in Sabah.

On Sunday, we made it to 2:08, behind was the team who won first for MSSJ. We competed on Sunday morning. Which was tis morning. Unfortunately, although we beat the JB team, we did not qualify for MSSM. The qualitying time was 1:58. Ten seconds behind. Doubt we'll make it. Anyway, it was a good experience. For everyone. Watch other events too.. the relays.

Preparing for the run..

Pris with the starting blocks

Natasha, 2nd runner to Rama, 3rd runner.

The 4th runner. She's a cute short girl =)

He's from SMKTHO. One parent Chinese, the other Malay.
He runs fast! Third runner, 4x200meters, form four.

Staring his run.

This girl from SMK Belitong.. she's crazy!
I mean, good craziness.
She's the last runner for 4x400m, form four.
When she got the baton, she was about 80-100 metres away from the other team.
Guess what? She caught up with them!

support?

2006-07-20T14:15:00.000-12:00

Why?
I thought you said yes, together with the full amount of support.
I hate to say that you aren't.
What's wrong with you people?
Don't you know how much I've been through and am going through?

Take away those "problems make you grow".
Problems pull you down to the point where you feel so worthless, depressed, hopeless.
It can't make you grow.
Dreaded.

Can't you give me the support that I need?
Can't you understand how things work?

Guess what?
That's called GENERATION GAP.

What makes parents some people who were meant to understand freaking kids?
They never were.

Satay

2006-07-18T15:00:00.000-12:00

Definitely colourful sticks of satay.

As you pass, I worry.
Am I not doing enough?
Am I slacking?
How come I dunno what to do one?
Huh? But no one told me..
Trying.
Not to dissapoint others.

Yes, I cannot please everyone.
But if people are dissapointed by me,
then I would be dissapointed too,
because I dissapointed them.

Speaking of which,
I've a chance to go to MSSM but my parents turn it down.
I can actually use that to get a dreaded scholarship.
How sad can my life be?

LOs

2006-07-17T18:30:00.000-12:00

ROFL
Rolling On the Floor Laughing

LOTL
Laughing Out Too Loud

LOTR
Laughing Out with Thunder and Rain

LOL
Laugh Out Loud

SLO
Simply Laugh Out

LOS
Laugh Out Singing

LOA
Laugh Out Alone

*caution: never be flamable during tuitions.
results: weird stuff.

world cup

2006-07-15T23:58:00.000-12:00

I may be slow. But hahh. I don't care about THE WORLD CUP anyway. I know, a lot of people will get heart attack, when I say that: I just found out who won the World Cup yesterday night in tuition. hahhaha... Was talking to Jae-Yenn.. and it came to my mind.. so I asked her. Before she answered me, she remarked, "TIEN HUI! It's fifteen days already.. fifteen! And you still don't know?" (is it 15 days or 14days? ahh.) Okay. I didn't. I do now. Italy won. Italy. Siraj's dreams came true. Thanks to me who helped him sebarkan that Italy's gonna win in my dreams...

Anyway. It's my friend's birthday today. Catherine. I met up with my ex-primary school friends. I ate Happy Meal for the first time in my entire life. And I got this cute lil' thing... which I don't have a photo of.

Does everything have to be spiritualised? Jiejie always ask this question. I'm starting to miss her lah. Went mountain climbing. It seems as if climbing up and down a mountain is a waste of time. Was thinking, if we are going up, then we can see it as trying to get to the top. Trying to build up, move on in our spiritual life. Meet the point. Finish the race? But when we come down, does it mean backsliding? (sounds lil' ridiculous) Or is it part of the race too? Finishing a complete race? Subah fainted. Weakness helped by fellow believers of Christ?

I don't know why, but I always seem to find a meaning/significance to everything I do. The meaning behind it.. even with the things I give people. Or make for people.

But even if I do, some don't get it. What I mean.

What I mean, hard to grasp?

And Daniel Eh says that he doesn't really understand my posts.
hahha.
Am I that hard to understand?

friend

2006-07-13T00:45:00.000-12:00

Here, knowing you love taking photos.
I hope you'll talk.
Share out the things on your heart.
I miss those times.
Though it was not very long ago.
You are,
precious to me
as a good friend.

Much interest you have
but circumstances limit your abilities.

Seek the Lord.

I hope it'll not be the end.

change again

2006-07-10T17:15:00.000-12:00

Decisons made.
Pain continues.
Anxiety along the way.
*
Welcome.
I say.
*
The first one.
As I step out.
"Don't dissapear".
I know.
I'll try not to.
*

In short, I've made my decision to be out of the YF committee.
And continue with Interact Club.
Though, not everyone sees the need why to and why so.

yayyie

2006-06-24T20:10:00.000-12:00

Today I feel very happy.
I got up early and went to church.
Then I ate breakfast in this big place.
There were a lot of people.
I ate something.
Inside got a lot of things, like nuts, veggie and rice.
Then there was this green geen soup.
Look like some witch's spell.
But good thing it wasn't.
Because after I drank it, I did not become green.
I was sitting beside Jeanette, in front of Yoshua.
Yoshua suddenly told Jeanette that she needs to take care of me in school.
I just smiled.
After breakfast Jae-Son sent me home.
We talk about a lot of things.
When I reach home, I played my guitar.
I also lazed around.
Then I burned a CD.
Then I got ready to go for prayer.
I felt sad because it was going to be my last time there.
But then, they invited me to join them after this required time.
I was happy again.
During games, I played fly fly.
At first I could do it.
But then after so many times doing it, I was tired and started to loose my balance.
I had fun.
Then I talked to Pek Ying and Christopher.
And they became my friends.
I was even more happy.
I got friend.
You got?
If you don't have then I friend you.

Aunty Sze sent me home.
And I ate dinner.
Then I blogged.
Here I am.
Thinking I'm still a child.
Which I still am.
A child of my Father!
=)

Break Dance

2006-06-24T03:35:00.000-12:00

How crazy can Threadless be?
Hahha. Watch the Break Dance video clip.

know?

2006-06-24T01:00:00.000-12:00

"Every responsibility comes..
along with me, myself becoming affected much.
Every single time.
Is it bad or goodor perfectly normal? "

I was debating this with myself during Acounts class in school today.
The only thing I believe that keeps me going on, is my passion.
Of course, when one already has a passion,
one would know one's mission and master.

And it's just human to say to one's self, I believe,
"I feel like giving up everything, all my responsibilities."
after being so "teared down" by people, dissapointments.

But why should these things be affecting me?
But I do have feelings right?
I shouldn't. At least for the long run..
And I do have to come at His feet once again,
for that continual renewing of His strength?
Yeap.

I am exausted of having those thoughts of what people
"try to put into me".
I am very much affected already.
I have made my decision. And shall it not stay?
Or are their words a ramble in my mind to doubt every single minute?

School has been for me a piercing ache to my ears.
Every minute as I sit in class, Tamil rambles are my music.
How irritating can that be?
What more even when the teacher is teaching!
And oh,
what patience have I to speak of?

I can't stand this dazed fact/practice/attitute
the students of my class have.
Sometimes it is so unbelieveble to have a reason
to go to school nowadays.
Ahh. After so much of complaining to myself,
at the end of the day, I end up alone.
With grades.
And life makes no difference.
Cause I have not gotten over that dreaded cultural shock.

Hey! You know, you've got your ten subjects to take care.
So do I.
And even the changes that takes place.
Do you?
Will you never understand?
Will you ever understand?
Run me over.
Break me down.
See the ugly yucky unflavored colourless stream.

My posts have been awfully dull, sad, and so not interesting.
I know.

iBook G4

2006-06-11T20:40:00.000-12:00

Guess what? I took 284 photos in 2 and a half days.

Wow.

Anyway, like any other student, tomorrow school starts!
Unlike any other student, I can't wait to go back to school.
I feel so energised. And I wonder why.
The possible reasons:
1) The shirt I designed will be for sale.
(Anyone wanna buy? Its very nice..
although I haven't seen the real outcome yet..)
2) Installation is coming.
3) I don't know why such joy.

Anyway, I washed my school shoes on Saturday morning..
yeah, I know it's kinda late.. but ah.
The unfortunate thing that happened:
It has been raining, thus no sun, thus wet shoes till now.
I'll be wearing my good old a lil' torn school shoes tomorrow.

Okay, besides school.
I'll learning how to lurve the iBook.. discover it..
Yes, the iBook.
Beautiful and pure white looking it is.
The Apple lights up when the cover opens.
Let me show you some pics of it:

As you can see, it's not mine.
It's the kerajaan's one.
The kerajaan is so good to my daddy.
=) (=

Magic is in the air

2006-06-06T22:45:00.000-12:00

okay. Yesterday I forgot that it was my sister's birthday. Why?

Anyway, no, I'm not gonna reveal magic tricks.
hahha.

But you know, it is very essential for someone like me to keep my mouth shut when I had someone testing tricks on me (my bro), when things didn't really turn out well (my dad) and when someone's sly of hand is not very good. And everyone, if were the audience should not say anything when someone's sly of hand ain't very good. Just watch and smile! Gahha. Unless you know the person well enough to tell him (but they usually would have know already).

Thing is, for me, sometimes it's not very nice living under the same roof with people who does tricks. Sometimes it just spoils the fun of it all. But, well, on the positive side, I do get to know what goes behind the scene, and be the first one to watch it, and judge from it! Wuhhoo.

Gahha.
Some dua sen.

Got to watch some nice magic tricks today done by a fourteen year old Singaporean, Gabriel. Man, this name reminds me of Luke, which I have to study for my Bible Knowledge mid year exam this week!! Gah, it's freaky. Say, it's something that you'll have to memorise? (I hate memorising)

Pek Ying is so weird. I came online, and she messaged me on MSN, "hi and bye". Next thing was, she was offline.

By the way, "gahha" seems to be a very nice laugher.
Gahhahaha.. gahhahahaha...
Do I sound like a lil' cute duckie?
I love duckies.

Sunday

2006-06-05T01:15:00.000-12:00

Awh.

It's a week.
Gone my holidays.
Yes, I have so many other things to do!
Anyway.
Here goes some stuff I left out about Family Camp:

1) Walking in water is refreshing.

2) Guys(or just Ryan?) can't tahan girls sharing food
(or at least, can't get why they do such a thing).
Below is a creepy picture of a KFC advertisement. Ate lunch there.
Pek Ying, Mei Qi and I shared a dinner set (3 pieces of chicken).
Ryan went, "Don't tell me you all shared.." after the meal.

3)The mini flag.
No, it's super big.

4) Ryan is kinda weird?
hehh, everyone is weird in some ways anyway ;P

5) Pek Ying likes jaga-ing and playing with babies.

6) Pek Ying is someone who has a friend like me!
(it may not make sense, but it sure does)

7) Cat
This photo is taken from Jo's blog.
Well, she wrote her story about this cat.
Now it's mine!
I wrote about doing quiet time on the second day in one of my previous posts, rite?
This is what happened. The cat was looking at something below the steps, I put my leg there. The cat focusing, did not move when I did that. When it came back to its senses, it looked up, got so shocked, ran, and actually climbed a tree nearby!!! It wasn't a very tall tree, but it went up half that tree. So cool rite? But my camera was slow. Sigh. (Which reminds me of those dogs back in Sunrise Park..) Anyway, after the cat realised that there was not much of harm, it started trying to get down from that tree. It looked so scared when it was up the tree and when it was trying to come down. Hahha..

8) Noises, can you hear them?
On the last night, we walked along the beach, to watch turtles (not people) lay eggs. And a group of people: Dan Sher, Chris, Ryan, Cheng Yee.. (that should be all) made noises. Some sort of nice noises. Pleasant to the ears.. hehh.

Family Camp 4

2006-06-04T23:57:00.000-12:00

Yes, the last day.

Woke up at 6.30am (supposedly 5.30, as promised to Paulus) just to watch the sunrise.
Sunrise that day was a "hot-red-egg"!

This were taken from my room window:

The last session for the day!
Well, there was an altar call, went up.
U. Tiong Seng and Yosh prayed for me..
shared to Yosh.
Wow. I cried so much.
And hey, maybe I do know the word "s-t-r-e-s-s",
not just the "s".

Within me, lies It.
I try so hard. Even It!
But most took it so lightly.

Words and looks are so much more easier,
than to feel how the heavy pressure It grows within.
Yet some I do not blame for saying nothing,
nor wanting anymore of It.
Who would want to suffer It?

Left cold, yucky.
Treated over expectingly.
Gah.

Packed bags.
Left rooms.
Returned keys.
Took photos.
Loaded.
Up the bus.
Hit the roads.
Played Mafia.
Toilet break.
Bee Hoon, Bee Huat, Bee ...
Continued Mafia.
Misunderstanding.
Listened.
Things happen.
Feelings felt.
Anger aroused.
Got down.
Headed home.
Put bags.
Out for dinner.
Came home.
Lie down on bed.
Slept without changing, bathing, unpacking, brushing teeth.

DAY FOUR.
Treasures. Eventful. Uneventful.

-end-

Woke up the next day at 7am (i think)
to bathe, unpack, brush teeth.
Hit the roads to JB.
Woohoo. Visited cousins.
Got notebooks!
And glue tape (in a form of correction tape) which came free.

Family Camp 3

2006-06-02T15:38:00.000-12:00

The third day of camp started out with me not being able to do quiet time with Hui Ying and Paulus, as planned. I did quiet time with the shelther girls. Don't know if they understand what Hui Ying and I explained to them. Things went well.

During lunch I sat with John Soo.
We talked for about two hours? It was a good time.
Thank God for Bible Knowledge classes!

Got back to my room, Jean was there. Bathed.
Came out, King Chai just entered my room.
Then Cheng Yee, Daniel Sher and Jo came along.
Played cards.
Cheng Yee learnt how to play.
Jeanette couldn't win a single time.
And I think I was supposed to let her win the last round, but I forgot about it.
Hahha. Opps.
Anyway, headed for the afternoon talk just for youths.

Jean, Mei Qi.

Daniel, King Chai.

Cheng Yee, toilet roll.
See the resemblance?

Daniel, Xue Qi.

We played beach volleyball at last after the talk. Wasn't really beach volleyball, besides the fact that we did play on the beach with a volleyball. Hahha. Oh well, just kept scoring most of the times by serving. I made me sastisfied and happy enough though. My hand got 'bengkak' real badly after that.

Star Wars thing took place at the sea.
I was asked to record it.
Interesting how people can think of such stuff.
John, Sticks, Cheng Yee.

Up to barbeque.

Barbeque to me, is no specialty.

So, nothing much lah.
Just lobster.

Talent night was filled with laughter.

Clearing up was more fun.
People discovering people..
Like Cheng Yee discovering Pek Ying could go sot
when we sang the chorus (i think) of "Oh, where is my hairbrush."

While taking picture.

After taking picture.

The lift stopped at every level while going down to the ground floor.

People met in my room, then headed to Isaac's.

The people at Isaac's.
(look at John's legs)

Messy table!!

Maggi Mee cooked by Daniel Eh.
Out of his kindness and love and care and thoughtfullness and...

Chess.
Here goes your picture, as asked.
hehh.

Played cards. I lost.
And King Chai took my challenge.
I feel such a loser!
And a horrible person.

DAY THREE.
great time. played. fun. horrid. loser.
-end-

Family Camp 2

2006-06-01T23:17:00.000-12:00

The following extracted from my journal:

Mei Qi was so sweet, thoughtful. She made Milo for us this morning. And then realised, that there wasn't anything to stir the Milo! She ended up using her toothbrush. Hahha. =)

This place is so small, limited. So few quiet places. Alone places. I mean, to do my quiet time. Journal, etc. Argh. I feel so exposed!! Hahha.. STM is a better place!! Fussy, grumpy me!

Just changed my sitting place from the park, to the bench near the swimming pool, to the reception.

Quiet time..
Well, who do I say God is?
The song chorus 'Evermore' came to my mind:
"You are my Lord, my God, my all
And I live for You alone
I am yours, evermore
Heaven and earth will shout Your praise,
The wonders of Your name
I'll proclaim, evermore…"

The question posted:
How do you balance your view on God while talking to Him?
I dunno.
I guess that when it comes to serious things, like sin, then be serious. And when it comes to troubles, seek Him as a guidance. Shepherd leading the sheep. And whenever, as a friend! Yeah. While talking to Him, talk like He's our good friend?

---Journal entry ends-----

Part of the talks for the day was taken from Acts 2:42-47.

This was the exact same text Uncle Jason used for NSCF last year. He stressed on the marks of the church of Jerusalem and how we could learn from there to empower our youth fellowships or Christian fellowships.

Speaking of that, NSCF has made a lasting impact on my life. And, so much of the passion I had for Young Christian Students. I let go an opportunity of being a vice president for YCS, because my commitment was first with Interact. Sometimes I wonder if I had made the right decision. And was that passion all gone, just sia-sia sahaja? Must I be a vice president to have that passion?

I remember when I was speaking to Xue Qi the night before, and she said that Interact was waste of time, 'do already then just throw away' thing. Well, many do see it that way. For me, it's not about the 'do already then just throw away' thing, but rather the process of it.

I am getting myself ready for installation in about a month and a half's time. Every installation needs to have a theme, and the presentations (at least one) should be about that theme. I thought before exams started, about having the theme as 'Yet Another Second Chance' and presenting a sketch based on the prodigal son. Left that idea during exams, and one day on the way back from somewhere, I thought about it again. Asked my sis about what she thought about it and how to change the scene when the prodigal son had to work at the pig's sty. Later on, this song played from Lifesong, Casting Crowns. The tittle was 'Prodigal'. Wow. Was it a coincidence or God's comfirmation?

The process of getting things done, the process of working towards something and trying to achieve it. Who said that Interact is pointless? It is pointless if you make it to be pointless. And here, I admit that I use to think like that. Okay. I think my fellow readers are getting sick of me babbling about Interact.

Getting back, we headed to the turtle hatchary, in the afternoon. We went to the beach behind it too. Here goes some photos:

Here comes Jeanette.

Jem, Yoshua.

Goat.

Dead baby turtle.

Cool dude.

Evil dude.

Notice.

Turtle in action.

View.

Yoshua, Erin.

Cheng Yee.
Scribbling.

We got back to the camp site and it was gonna rain.
Ran, ran, we did towards the beach. Walked in the water. Took pictures.
After 20 minutes or so, it started to drizzle.
Headed back, ate some kuih-muih.

Dark clouds overtaking.

Puffy clouds.

Mich.

Bumpers.
They even have them in the sea.
When you drag your feet against the sand.. bumpers.

Daniel Sher.
With whatever he's doing.

See, how vast.

Watched people playing water polo. Was pretty boring.. except watching how the girls who played trying to keep their heads above the water, and King Chai who sort of kept holding on to the edge of the pool. Hehh.

Water polo.

On the way back to our rooms.

Colourful Chipsmore.

During group prayer.. ah, I don't even feel like talking about it. I feel disappointed, frustrated because the aldults did not understand what I was trying to say, nor did they ask for any clarification. Forget it lah, I told myself. When there was silence during prayer, I heard U.Kwan ask Mich to explain further about what she said. They were just next to my group. Well, I heard what Mich said, about youths forgiving, and it was just exactly what I wanted to say! Ish.

The youths gathered after supper. Headed to Jit's room. He told us two things, one about forgiving: stop the gossiping (especially the Convent girls), seek forgiveness to those who have hurt you, the second about spiritual battle: cleanse your rooms when you get back (there were youths who heard voices, had heavy breathing the night before). The Convent girls stayed back. Jit spoke a bit. Hui Ying shared her heart. Jean asked, "Got anything happen mer?" and said, "My conscious is clear." For me, there was only one person on my mind, Prisc, which I did not know if I had hurt while "playing". Hugged her, and I said sorry, she too. She told me that she feels so evil. Asked if she wanted me to pray for her. She wanted to talk to Eunice. It was fine to me. That time was so full of cryings. In Jit's room.

Went back to the room. Had two additional roommates, Mei Lin and Yok Wah. We prayed. Then Pek Ying came to my room. She didn't look normal. She sat down on the couch, I offered her Chipsmore, and tears begun to run down her cheeks. "Opps."I said to myself. Mei Qi and I comforted her, asked her why. She said that she feels so bad. She does not know if she was hurt or gossiped. Nothing Mei Qi and I could do, except to comfort her. "Maybe the line should be drawn to where talking about someone and gossip stands.." I thought.

DAY TWO.
Interesting. Lots of flash backs. Geram.

-end-

Family Camp 1

2006-05-31T03:00:00.000-12:00

I opened the sliding door to the balcony.

And behold:

The journey before the balcony:

I brought Squirbe along (saw it, took it) to camp. Squirbe stands for squirrel+bear. It has a look like a bear but has a tail of a squirrel. Well, bringing him along, makes me miss more of the one who gave it to me. But yet, I feel secure when was around me. Ah, walking along the beach on the last night while "star gazing" made it a lil' worst.

Can I have such a relationship with God?
Can I truly feel His love, care, comfort each time?

Hmm..Pek Ying, my partner in Oreo eating..
Do not be deceived by her fierce looks..
*what??!*
Well, it's so good to see how God had open up ways for me and her to be in a lovey-dovey sisterly relationship.. it's amazing how God works.. oh well.

God! I'm waiting.
Hopefully, patiently. Your answer, Your clarification.
Your will, if that is.

Turtle.
Kena smashed prolly by a speedboat.
Imagine, playing in the water filled with turtle decay.

Okay, Daniel Sher said I ain't human.
Because I just did not react, as in: scream,
when they tried to scared me with that cute lil' crab.
While Jean, Mei Qi and Xue Qi did.

Jean made a conclusion:
Guys just like to make girls scream.

Yosh made another:
Girls like to hit guys.

It was nice at the beach.

The sunset.

Dinner.
Jem scooping some evil portion from the witch's spell pot.
*muahahahahaha*

Say, this is Xue Qi.
She looks perfect for a model.
Anyway, she's one of my juniors.. a year younger than me.
Also, one of the top ten list of those I want to get to know this year,
but nothing much took place.
She was one of my room mates during camp.
Seemingly inicent young girl.
Full of spirit.
From my jurnal:
"I believe that things will somehow work out if my heart desires, even though so many times I could not stand a chance to. I'm staying in the same apartment with Mei Qi, Jessica and Xue Qi. It's nice. Last night, Xue Qi and I talked outside (balcony). Mei Qi had band practice. It was good, we talked about our ambitions -maybe, more of what we were interested in- and about why I entered RCA -not really about the why, but rather whether it was a major decision for me. I told her that there were other decisions which were considered though for me to make."

DAY ONE.
fun. full of oppurnities. convicted.
- e n d -

Prehistoric Freak

2006-05-25T00:15:00.000-12:00

Prehistoric Freak!
I lurve Threadless.

Anyway, mid year exams are done for me.
I got 4 out of 9 papers dy.
You know, I've never got more than 3A's before (put aside PMR).
hahha.
Let's, uhm, wait till the end year's one.

A. Maths was the last paper.
What a freaking bad way to end!
Really feel so dumb today..
look at the questions dy, tak tau buat.
Maths is so not my subject!
But how can that be?
My dad is a Math teacher, my siblings are Maths nerds..
ah!
(yes, I know that doesn't matter)

Anyway, I'm learning how not to get so easily frustrated.
I'm trying to menjalin hubungan yang baik dengan ibu bapa dan kakak saya.
I just can't stand the way they respond to me.
I try sharing about my paper for that day,
and guess what they say:
"That's why lah, tell you to study earlier don't want!
Studying must memorise one."
"I memorise, but then I forget.."
"That's why, you need to memorise everyday.."

All they start with is "that's why lah".
Damn.
Don't they know how much it hurts?
It's not like I don't know what wrong I did.
It's so much better not talking to them.

Wee Yin, I dearly understand you.

jang jang pluk

2006-05-13T09:52:00.000-12:00

jang jang pluk

ooh, ouch-y, it hurts

jang jang pluk
uh, not again.
let me see,
it's not rusty what

jang jang pluk

why now?
ugh. have to change it.

jang jang pluk
what is wrong with it?
why does it always pluk one?

why should i make way for you?
irritating-nya..
but wait.

ahha.
wavy string here you come
nice-y nice!
leave you here i shall
----

some things i've realised:

Banana vs. Correction Tape
Small things make small things of good use!
----

Tomato!
Yosh likes eating it raw and cold too..
anyone else? =)

Bob the tomato!
Larry the cucumber!
Long liveth Veggietables
----

I am so uncertain of myself.
Have been on duty for the latecomers in school with Kiran.
Kiran, notice the dunno-how-many-times i say "i dunno lah"?
----

I scare myself.
How sometimes I can be so silent
(not speak out a word at all within the company of people.
the longest so far was six hours straight),
and how sometimes I go crazy.
----

Photos of my terrible ichy
make-me-unable-to-study-for-three-days
I had just last week.

sadistic

2006-05-05T19:10:00.000-12:00

Sadistic people are sadisticing people themselves.

influence spreads.

boinking starts.

who can say how much you know?

greed for power.

no, authority.

changes uneffective.

why? who wants to?

pain pain go away
come agin to someone else.

saturate!

boom!

poof!

F>F>F

2006-04-30T21:20:00.000-12:00

Fly falter falter, Fly falter falter.

It's so easy for one to falter, after flying.

I should not blame myself, I should try praying.

On my mind:
half-baked Christians
then how?
blackslide
desire
heart's condition
check ups?
our fault?
huh?
why?

F

2006-04-30T20:10:00.000-12:00

I feel such a failure.
I lost in three times in badminton today.

MOOD SWINGS!!!

Says a Blogthing result:
"In stressful situations, you seem sad and helpless."

You Are 50% Boyish and 50% Girlish

You are pretty evenly split down the middle - a total eunuch.
Okay, kidding about the eunuch part. But you do get along with both sexes.
You reject traditional gender roles. However, you don't actively fight them.
You're just you. You don't try to be what people expect you to be.

How Boyish or Girlish Are You?

Candy Cigarettes

You're a total badass, but you don't taste very good.

What Kind of Candy Are You?

R

2006-04-30T13:20:00.000-12:00

(I caught her!)

Behold, freakishness is here!
I'm already thinking about next year's IU Day.

(My classmates and I)

You know, I do at times somehow regret going to RCA..
in terms of relationships, yeah.
It's weird, sad maybe, to see that my so-called efforts on building up a relationship with my ex-classmates are like now.. stagnant.
Maybe now I understand JNette, being a "neither here nor there" in class.
Everyone has their own clicks..
Uhm.

mengapa? cepatnya?

2006-04-28T23:56:00.000-12:00

flash flash
and here goes another shot
flash flash
my heart burdens

where did it all begin?

look look
and there, colours of two
look look
have i not done enough?

will there be an end for every begining?

how stale can bread become?

when can we dance again?

Am back.

2006-04-23T22:10:00.000-12:00

Ah.

1) SMKCC's counsellor sucks.
Sorry lah, but to me, she really does.
When we were just starting "camp", there she goes, blahing about masalah-masalah yang ada di lembaga pengawas.

"Saya tahu bahawa penolong ketua pengawas telah menangis, eh, kerana pengawas yang lain tu tak mahu bekerjasama.." So goes her words (maybe paraphrased).

Ketinggalan zaman betul lah cikgu ni.. bukannya tak bekerjasama.. ada pun! Nak cakap, cakaplah betul- betul..

The next morning.
"...Saya tak lagi campur tangan dalam apa-apa yang berkenaan dengan pengawas lagi. Kalau kamu semua teruskan sikap macam ini..."
And you know what wrong we did?
Lack of food. During tea time, everyone was "supposed" to take two pieces of kuih each. But the thing is, no one knew that. And no one told us. I was one of the last ones who took. We did not even complain. We told teacher that it was okay if we didn't eat.

OKay, she fired us.
"Saya dah simpan ni semua dalam hati saya dari semalam.."

After she spoke, the speaker told us, "Kalau kamu nak menegur, janganlah menegur macam marah-marah orang. Orang ada perasaan tak?"
"Ada.."
"Orang pun ada perassan. Kalau kita menegur macam tu, orang yang kita marah pun akan menjadi marah.. kan? Kita kena 'respect' mereka, supaya mereka dapat 'espect' kita.."

Before the closing ceremony.
"Tadi ada pelajar yang telah meminta maaf..."
She say sorry for the words she used the way she spoke..

Oh, Whatever.

2) Form Five's are leaving. Soon.
We took pictures.. and I felt sad on the way home.
And I still do.

3) I always fail to wake up extra early in the morning.
Just to be with Him.. whenever I'm not at home.

Perfect Prefect, Sacredness and Orderliness with Meaning

2006-04-21T18:10:00.000-12:00

I keep on making mistakes as a prefect.
I tell myself that I' m learning, but am I?

I really do wonder if I'll survive untill next year, no, untill I leave school! as a prefect.

Another thing, can repetitive things/order be done in such a way that it is sacred and yet with much meaning to it? Like mass, it's done in such an orderly manner, and it's like kinda same each time, but yet, there you can see and feel, the sacredness, the sacred presence. But can there be meaning at the same time when the congregation sits and joins in and the priest himself does stuff?

If that made sense.

Ewwfully ill I am

2006-04-17T20:45:00.000-12:00

Ill: An often persistent bodily disorder or disease; a cause for complaining.

I sholdn't have gone to school today!
So much for being unable to speak (throat hurts), carrying so many textbooks, and I only studied three subjects. Three. Three. Three.
MSSD badmintion's here in town, and teachers are away on duty.

I no want go to school tomorrow!

I only have three more weeks to study before mid year exam!

*tears clothes, face falls to the ground and mourns, and moans*

And as I marshall..

2006-04-12T19:23:00.000-12:00

This afternoon we had the pembukaan rasmi for MSSMJ (Majlis Sukan Sekolah-sekolah M.... Johor). As usual, some of the athletes representing each town (daerah) were standing behind their papan tanda and bendera. I was marshalling at the penyampaian hadiah side, and just looking at the different daerahs in Johore makes me have memories of the Kursus Pemimpin I went to in Mersing.

Although that kursus had around six Chinese students, one Indian guy and 82 Malays, it was a very nice time. Hey, I survived! Well, not all Malays are nice... but the Malay girls whom I stayed with and met were verrrry very. The Indian guy could get along with the other Malay guys, he speaks English, though I have never heard him speak before. The Chinese people.. they clicked among themselves except me. They, well, speak Chinese.. and their Malay isn't very good.

My roommates and I got a chance to meet this three guys who were also roommates, during the last night. They were so crappy. lame. And as said, having nice roommates, we played along. It's hard to describe the how well we bonded and how hard it was for us to part.

Oh. Well.
The Malay world doesn't seem that bad, dear.

Might bercerita more. Some other day.

Till then.

Who am I

2006-04-11T08:45:00.000-12:00

Who am I
-Casting Crowns

Who am I, that the Lord of all the earth
Would care to know my name
Would care to feel my hurt

Who am I, that the Bright and Morning Star
Would choose to light the way
For my ever wandering heart

Not because of who I am
But because of what You've done
Not because of what I've done
But because of who You're

Chorus:
I am a flower quickly fading
Here today and gone tomorrow
A wave tossed in the ocean
A vapor in the wind
Still You hear me when I'm calling
Lord, You catch me when I'm falling
And You've told me who I am
I am Yours, I am Yours

Who Am I, that the eyes that see my sin
Would look on me with love and watch me rise again

Who Am I, that the voice that calmed the sea
Would call out through the rain
And calm the storm in me

I am Yours
Whom shall I fear
Whom shall I fear
'Cause I am Yours
I am Yours

--
It is hard to love and not condemn.
And Father, let it be to me as it shall,
even if it is wrong, even if at times i think that it isn't.

I know no second chances there in school,
but I know of the One who gives me a second chance here.
Let this chance be pleasing and acceptable to You,
for my heart's desires are there,
be so to it that every single thing that I do,
be of:
Not because of who I am
But because of what You've done
Not because of what I've done
But because of who You're

Can I seek Your presence, peace and comfort,
when I fill in the paper, though I am at wrong?

No, nothing.

2006-03-31T00:25:00.000-12:00

We were supposed to go to SMK Taman Sri Klaung on a Tuesday morning to support our debating team during the finals, against SMK Tinggi Kluang. But it has become a norm -Eh, the food here nice a not ar?- for every new school we go to. Lucky first classes!

Both the debate teams. The motion was 'Streaming in a school produces better academic achievements'. On the right hand side was the government team (STK) and on the right hand side was the opposition team (SMCC).

We WON!!! They won... same.

After the debates..

The whole team of debaters and the teachers who helped from my school.
Best speaker was won by Woan Na (the one with her mouth wide open).

Well, debates was generally good. The fact that Convent was controlling the competition and our points were clearer, diction too. Woan Na deserved best speaker, truly. I have not seen and heard her talked like she did during debates, ever! It's a WoW for me.
Sigh. I shouldn't "cham" people...

And so, the Youth Centre welcomes me!

By the way, sometimes it's nice coming from an English background family. I was supposed to prepare something for my oral, but eventually I forgot! Perkara biasa lah.. and teacher wanted to finsih it by that day itself. If not, he would give us less marks. Which I didn't want for myself.

That day's oral was a short one minute of talk or recite a poem in front of the class. Being the class that I am in now, Who would want to listen to anyone's oral? So everyone just did it in front of teacher.

It came to my turn, and the only thing that I could talk about was.. homosexuality. I wrote down my main points beforehand. Some of my classmates, who were there watching me speak.. I doubt they could even understand what I was speaking about. I didn't look at them while talking. Maybe they freaked out! Hahha.. Well, teacher was, say, proud of me? Dan aku dijadikan sebagai contoh yang baik kepada mereka yang asyik menghafal. Yay!

You know, form four is such a dramatic change.
It is as if I am living a life which I do not know.

I got my results back for common test. Except for Accounts.
My results vary from an A1 to a G.
Which means:
A1 - English, Maths
A2 - Reka Cipta
B3 - Moral
B4 - Add Maths, Science (I got the highest in my class!)
C5 - BM
G - Sejarah (a simple 22%)

I FAILED MY HISTORY.
Cool eh.
*Arghh.

Anyways, I am going off for holiday..
Kursus Pemimpin Pelajar Kelab & Persatuan Sek Men Negeri Johor on the 3-5th April at Hotel Seri Malaysia, Mersing. I am the only Chinese from Kluang, out of ten students. Satu wakil dari satu sekolah. Hm. I need not worry there according to the PPD guy. For I will be fed 6 meals a day. Which is something I have to worry about. I'll have fun. Catching up with homework when I get back.

2006-03-17T18:00:00.000-12:00

There are so many things on my mind.

Maybe going to Kota Kinabalu was a pure waste of everything: enery, pain, torture, endurance, money, time....... blah blah blah

Why can't i do what i like?

Stupid.
I CAN'T.

MssD

2006-03-11T22:10:00.000-12:00

Marshalling ain't that bad is it?
I only had a morning to marshal, and I did it with Wee Yin. Along the line of duty, we spotted really "cute" guys. No wait, we only spotted one. Wee Yin and Kiran spotted two (i think) the day before, and Wee Yin was showing me who they were. We spotted this really tall Malay guy from STK and he runs 200m berpagar, represents Malaysia. That day we concluded that tall guys have his gentlemanly apperance. heee..I prefer Malay guys than Chinese guys.

Of races, colour, identity, religon.
Why can't there be semangat kekitaan?

2006-03-03T05:39:00.000-12:00

CRASH AND BURN
(Savage Garden)

When you feel all alone
And the world has turned it’s back on you
Give me a moment please to tame your wild wild heart
I know you feel like the walls are closing in on you
It’s hard to find relief and people can be so cold
When darkness is upon your door and you feel like you can’t take anymore

Let me be the one you call
If you jump I’ll break your fall
Lift you up and fly away with you into the night
If you need to fall apart I can mend a broken heart
If you need to crash then crash and burn
You’re not alone

When you feel all alone
And a loyal friend is hard to find
You’re caught in a one way street
With the monsters in your head
When hopes and dreams are far away and
You feel like you can’t face the day

Let me be the one you call
If you jump I’ll break your fall
Lift you up and fly away with you into the night
If you need to fall apart I can mend a broken heart
If you need to crash then crash and burn
You’re not alone

And there has always been heartache and pain
And when it’s over you’ll breathe again
You’ll breath again

When you feel all alone
And the world has turned it’s back on you
Give me a moment please
To tame your wild wild heart

Let me be the one you call
If you jump I’ll break your fall
Lift you up and fly away with you into the night
If you need to fall apart I can mend a broken heart
If you need to crash then crash and burn
You’re not alone

Child of God

2006-02-20T20:15:00.000-12:00

This is one of the Shelter Home kids. Can say that he's the most attractive and cute one. Being seven years old, he's curiousity shows much. He asked me to take a photo of him, and he himself wanted to try taking photos! Hahha.

It reminds me of this documentary I watched where this lady journalist went to India and she chose about eight kids (aged 8-11), gave them each their own cameras. They began catching shots. The journalist taught them how to take good photos, how to print them, etc. She even took effort in finding sekolah berasrama for them.

Well, generally all their mums in that part of India are prostitutes. Even their sisters (the grown ups). I doubt they have any choice to choose what work they want to do, since fathers there earn little and ladies have not much of education.

As for the kids, they have to wake up early, and do house work, wash this and that, etc. Parents are unable to effort to send them to school. They also live in an environment where foul words are spoken, mostly everyday. Some of them got into sekolah berasrama, but some after a few years were taken out from school by their parents while some came out of school themselves.

The photos they took using those cameras were shown on screen. And those photos were really nice, taken from a different perspective. The journalism also set up a photo display in the US (i think she sent them over). One of them, was really outstanding. He was chosen to go for a kids photo display or some sort. Kids=kids all around the world.

This is a child of God.

Some of the photos he took:

murder

2006-02-14T01:30:00.000-12:00

It's creepy when I start having thoughts of wanting to kill someone with a chopper. Knife.

What a Valentine's Day.

Sukantara Hari 1

2006-02-11T20:14:00.000-12:00

Drills.

Glucose anyone?
(Glucose plays a essential role in everyone's mind to boost up energy.)

Run.

Throw.

---
Semangat SMKCC!
Seen well during the sports season.

And yay!
I got a mark for lontar peluru for the first time ever..

- wanted to take more pics but batteries failed -

Btw, Yoshua's message on Strange Love (homosexuality) was a dissapointment.
He did not go in debt on it -what it is about, how it happens, etc.
He just shared more of on sin -homosexuality is wrong!

Back to books! =D

I'm currently reading Desires in Conflict (Updated Edition)
-hope for men who struggle with sexual identity-
by Joe Dallas, Harvest House Publishers.

29 01 06

2006-02-06T19:05:00.000-12:00

Adibah is leaving. What does that mean? Will RCA class be as dull as it used to be for me? Sometimes I feel angry with Sek. Teknik for taking ppl like her away. Like daylight kidnapping? Hahha.

She said, “Eh, Tien Hui, hari ini last kali tau, saya duduk dgn awak.” I didn’t really get her. Sabiha then said that she got accepted to Sek Teknik. I turned my head towards Adibah. She was crying. A lil’. Believed. But I didn’t know how to react.

I begun to think:hey, its gonna be forever. Forever without her. Two years, at least in school. Ah. What great lost.

It was such a solemn day for Ezzati, Sharifah, Sabiha, Adibah and I.

So many last things done together.
Last time PJing. Last time sitting together.
Last time. Last time.
Ah.

[The above are short writings from different parts which I extracted from my journal.]

This is Adibah and I during her last day in school.
She is currently in Teknik Tanjung Puteri, JB.
Well, I can say that she was my source of encouragement and light to me, as I walked the path of RCA. I have not known her at all during my Form 1-3 days. Not even seen her. We had much fun together in class. Maybe just for some time. Yesterday as I once again stepped into class without her presence, it was as if I just started form 4 in RCA. No one I know.

Ooh.

2006-01-31T00:04:00.000-12:00

http://www.threadless.com/contest

Much for the "...free trip to see the Threadless offices, eat dinner with the Threadless crew and get $250 in spending cash to enjoy in downtown Chicago (or buy Threadless shirts!)."

But.
Too bad!

knowing the unknown

2006-01-24T00:38:00.000-12:00

Group Thomas:
Joel, Sharon, Tien Hui, Kit Yan, Vanessa, Rachel, Christopher, Teow Kee, Anthony.
Daniel, Wilson, Yi-Zhong.

Ah.
I received the NSCF camp photos yesterday,
together with a note of encouragement from Runa
and a developed photo of all the campers.
Well.. looking through the photos,
there's only one thing I have in mind:

Dear someone-from-the-past:
where have you been?
have i lost you?
or are you still out there?
where are you.

what happened to your sayings of such great support?

you, i found known, yet lost in unknowingness.

bits

2006-01-13T03:05:00.000-12:00

Have been staying back in school three times in a row. Coming home late.
Classmates find it hard communicating with me. They're actually afraid of speaking to me, cause.. as usual. I'm a BANANA. Ah.
At least I found out what's up with the one who is sitting beside me. Where she came from. Her current and pass status?
Have been jumping into SC2 and SC1 during free periods. I do miss their company.

And hey,
1) students don't only work to pay for their handphones!
2) my English textbook is nice. Same to my English teacher.

Gimme time! no.. not good, not good.
Gimme the sufficent amount of energy for the day..
and I be fine =D

mistakes

2006-01-09T03:15:00.000-12:00

I know that my blog has got many many many spelling mistakes. grammar mistakes. etc.etc. That does show how bad my English is. I do check, most of the time before I post something. But other people still find mistakes. I guess this post itself would have mistakes too. Nevertheless, if you readers are kind and patient enough, you can correct me =D hehhe

Go to this site: http://media.spikedhumor.com/8944/Jingle_Bells_Reversed.swf

It's kinda cool.

-
Thank you.

some deceiving results

2006-01-03T02:42:00.000-12:00

How clear it is that PMR results are the most deceiving thing in secondary school.
I always thought that it is served for its rightful purpose: Form 4
But no. No.
Dang!

Since my badge is the first year to study Maths and Science in English, getting an A for Science and Maths is like nothing. I should guess that they pushed the marks scale thingy down. Not only for that two subjects, but also for every subject. Imagine, 100% passes for BM in my school. Even those who slept got it. Hahha.

Everyone wants to head off with Science stream.
Me, having the perfect chance to enter Science stream, did not.
Wasted chance you may say.
Well, maybe it is.
What's so nice about Science stream.. anyway??
Coping is one thing.
Understanding is another.
Scoring is another too.

PMR results deceiving?
Because people just base their streams on their results.
I don't know how much they will score, survive, whatever.
But hey, happy suffering =D
Why take something hard, and score lil'? Even though through that stream you'll have a vast field of jobs, but if you score lil'? Consequences might be more.
Instead of that; suffering in prolonged pain, why not take something that you will be able to cope better and score well?
Then again, some people are late bloomers.
Oh well.

Being surrounded by mostly third and fourth class people will be something challenging.

youp-py doop-py

2005-12-30T03:28:00.000-12:00

Some events that have happened made me write =D

[Christmas Cheer/Caroling]
Christmas Day for this year is done and over. Caroling too.
What makes this so special, besides the fact that Jesus was born?
Well, I guess that being in Interact ain't that bad after all.
It does give a wide view on how essential it is for every believer of Christ to stand up for what they believe in. Not only stand up, but also to live up and shine!

The six Interact Clubs in Kluang had an event together called Christmas Cheer. We went around singing carols in Miriam Home, kids hospital ward, and Kiwanis Centre. Joshua Thomas and I played the guitar, while the rest sung Jingle Bells, Santa Clause is Coming to Town, Joy to the World, Silent Night and We Wish You a Merry Christmas.

Side track: I love this cute song, Santa Clause is Coming to Town.
[Yes, I am a Christian. But I just take Santa Claus as a fairy tale?
Believing in Santa Claus? Why not? I believe in fairies.
Santa Claus is just a distraction of the "true" meaning of Christmas?]

Anyways, when we went around singing, and it is clear,
how different YF's caroling and this Cmas Cheer thing is.
Does that include YFers generally knowing what they are singing and the Interactors don't?
Yeap.
Maybe the Interactors do understand, but not much?

The people surrounding me, hanging out with me, singing these songs..
are all pre-Christians (except Joshua).
Where do I stand in the crowd?
How bright is my light within this darkness?

As Interactors mingle with the old folks and kids,
I wondered what difference there is,
when YFers/Christians do community work.
Or, is there any?

Is God's love and light and joy and everything else ever presence within?
What do I bring each time I go for caroling?

My seasoned guitar! Hahha.
Hey, it dropped three times real badly during caroling itself.
Here I feel for her.

[ESPlosion IV]
I think only two or three people asked me how camp was.
My sis and my bro =D

Camp was a comfirmation of what God challenged me in NSCF.
Though not much empasis on God’s Word.
And I don't think that there was much of encouraging to listen to what God wants to say.

On the first night I wrote: One thing by the way, is that this camp doesn’t seem to give any time alone.. sometimes feeling that they rush things through? I mean, after sessions everyone goes off. Maybe not even having the chance to have more time spent with God, if needed or seeked. Yeap. Right now, it’s like just me sitting down alone writing this? Is it too much of an experience for them? Yes, everyone wants an encounter. But encounters are meant to be kept. Treasured. Remembered. Written down. Not just feeling sastisfied within God’s presence. Feeling good when people pray for them. Then again, what do I know?

On the second day I wrote: Sitting here, wearing the NSCF camp shirt. Oh, what a vast difference, between NSCF and ESP! Even the camp books speaks!

Bigger book is the NSCF one.
It writes on top, Day One... what did I hear God saying to me.
Smaller one is the ESP one.
It writes on top, Theme Talk Notes.
And at the bottom with that small box,
writes Thoughts/Feelings. Guess that wasn't enough for me!

notice

2005-12-21T16:29:00.000-12:00

Okay. Darn. My streamyx is not functioning now.
Much to say. But well. Soon enough! Soon enough dear.

As for getting my results... got seven A's..
they must have made a mistake.
Either that or, the standard has gone down..
Or.. I'M SMART!

hahha. right.

Anyways, this is just a short one.
Have lots of mail to check.
Am using friend punya computer.

ME LOVE COOKIES!

me might not be blogging for some time.

By the way, the usage of 'me' instead of 'I' was started by Cookie Monster.

Yipee!

ME LOVE COOKIES!

ah, the joy of painting.

2005-12-08T00:53:00.000-12:00

Ever painted your school tables and written the code numbers?
It's fun.
Spent two days, from 8am to 12pm. But still not done yet.
It's a whole lot of tables.

Shifting them up and down..
rearranged the tables and chairs after the exam.

School mural painted by Interacters!

childhood buddies

2005-12-06T17:51:00.000-12:00

Prisc, Mun and I.
Same class for seven years (Mun) and nine years (Prisc).
We have been seeing each other practically everyday.
Weekdays in school, weedends in YF and church.
Wow.
I wonder if I'm sick of seeing them.
Like I have a choice??
haha.. maybe I gradually got use to it.
Have to tahan sometimes lah =P

But, there was a period of time where I disliked one of them.
Kept a distance from her. Then realised my ungraciousness after a long time, and said sorry.
Sorry, dear again.
Sigh. Was I once trying to rule everyone?

View points? Mind sets? The way of doing things?
All differ?
I guess so. Minds change.
Sometimes even harder to connect then before.
Though we grew up together.
What makes this?

Well, we still can talk.
Make each other laugh by the way we do things or by what we say.
At times, remembering all those stupid and embarrassing things that we use to do.
Stupid, like not friending each other (like any other kid goes through that).
Embarrassing, like it's too embarassing to say??

Good to see though, both growing physically (Prisc especially!) and spiritually.
Serving the same Father.
Go Mun, with your dancing, music, and games stuff..
And Prisc, push up your limits for sports, music and planning!

Great having you two all my fifteen years of living.
Thanks yea, for all the encouragements.. and some deciding.

*cheers!*

the challenge - standup, no?

2005-12-04T11:30:00.000-12:00

Are songs sung and jumped while words looses it's true meaning?

Tell The World
Marty Sampson, Joel Houston, Jonathan Douglass

Verse 1:
Don't wanna stand here and shout Your praise
And walk away and forget Your name
I stand for You if that's all I do
'Cause there is none that compares to You

PreChorus:
'Cause all I want in this life time is You
And all I want in this whole world is You, You, You

Chorus:
Tell the world that Jesus lives
Tell the world that
Tell the world that
Tell the world that He died for them
Tell the world that He lives again

Verse 2:
No longer I, but Christ in me
'Cause it's the truth that set me free
How could this world be a better place
By Thy mercy, by Thy grace

Bridge:
Come on, come on, we'll tell the world about You
Come on, come on, we'll tell the world about You (repeat)

Ending:
Come on, come on, we'll tell the world about You
Tell the world that, Tell the world that (repeat three times)
About You

©2004 Hillsong Publishing (Admin. in U.S. & Canada by Integrity's Hosanna! Music) All rights reserved. International copyright secured.

Well, again, something during NSCF.
One of the night sessions, U.Earn Soo spoke of the different parables that Jesus illustrated to the people. And one of it was about the salt and the light. Salt is used to give taste to food. And hey, I don't need two tablespoons of salt in a medium size plate of long beans. It just takes a pinch of salt to give taste. It doesn't have to take ten Christians to be in my class for them to be saved. Even three would do. Or one. Thing is, would I stand up? for what I believe in when people condemns? Would I take time? to share what is been seeked for?

Where would I be?
With all those jawatans in school, I can cope. But I don't know if I can do well. The only reason I don't want to go back to school: having to make decisions -whether or not to take them up.

The jawatans I had this year:
School: Runner. Pengawas Percubaan.
Interact Club: Vice President.
YCS: Prayer Secretary.
YF: 1^st Impressionist.


Next Year:
School: Runner (may/may not). Pengawas.
Interact Club: President
YCS: -
PBSM: Assistant Secretary. 
Volleyball Club: Assistant Treasurer.
YF: -

It is hard. I think I would want to give up my prefectship.
Since most of my friends in school are not prefects, why not just give it up?
After all, my aim is to build relationships with them.
And being a perfect.. I would not have time.. right?
Even during MSSD season, I could feel the distance from them.
After that have to regain it....
Well, I don't have a good reason for me to consider -being a prefect.

As for Interact and YCS.. what a competition.

Maybe Im just thinking too much.

ajfabghglvbjfhnxsdfghjrtyuwfhwcbhrtyuimnfcvhjliudakjufhgdswqvfkyfxeexyuv

Happenings 2: CBC Camp [27-28th Nov]

2005-12-02T03:58:00.000-12:00

Helped out in the kids camp. Was in the Haiwan place.

Though it was just me and a few others helping out there, it did bring back some memories. Walking through the trees, feeling the breeze blow against my face. Awaken by beauty around -people always seem to appreciate Him and stand in awe then only. But well, it was refreshing for me. Renewing. Away a while from all worries, unknown. Though everytime people ask me about my dad and his condition I feel dumb. Ketinggalan.

The BBQ? was kinda interesting (a lot of things seems interesting to me anyway).
It was my first time doing it.
Hey, raw meat can't be ate!

Nevermind.

Worship was lead by Ryan. Sang those "kiddish" songs.
Ryan sounded like a typical CBC teacher.

Watching the kids put up a sketch for their own groups was somewhat funny.
I mean, it was obvious -who's loud, who's shy, who's good in acting, who's quiet, etc.
Joshua Lenny. Hm, he impressed me. With his amount of nonsense. Or, the nonsense that he could come out with. [nonsense = no sense + n] Well basically, people who can come out with nonsense are actually (no, not people with no sense), but people who are creative. Hey, who can think of such sometimes ironic/weird/witty/funny stuff? Naturally. They must be very talented people. Hm.

Chris Joel Ryan Prisc Me were supposed to sleep together with the kids in tents. But there wasn't enough of space, and Ryan's tent smelled of sweat. So we laid mats, burned? mosquito coils, went around the hall spraying Sheltox and swinging the electric bat.
(see the pic with Ryan? looks like he has some dualistic thing.. evil-ish?)

The sleeping period, was terrible. Terrible, I tell you... now.
I slept at 1.30am. Was awoken at 2.00am by someone singing. Right.
Back to sleep again about half an hour later cause of some noisy mosquito flying around. Right.
Was awoken again at 4am, because two people were talking so loudly.
Still lying down, I 'shhh..' them and they still spoke. Which means that they didn't hear me.
I said 'Keep quiet!', and they kept quiet for a while.
Couldn't tahan anymore. So I got up, walked towards them, and said, 'If you want to talk, go to some deserted place and talk.' They looked puzzled. 'If you want to talk, don't wake others up,' I simplified. Victory won. Silence regain, but not my sleep -I couldn't go back to sleep after that. Sadly, I just sat there. Lied down.

Headed to the camp fire. And that's where the pictures comes in.
The last picture, there's a lil' bit of green flame.
Cause glucose.. burn.. green flame?

Since Chris Joel Ryan Prisc Me was awoken by 5am, we sat around the table with a shade on top, talking, eating without brushing our teeth. No one had a prob with that.. haha.
Found out that the two people who woke me up, couldn't sleep. And that was why they talked.
Well, let me leave that. There.

We planned to wake up at 6.10am to watch the sunrise. But we woke up too early, and there was no sun. We just saw the sky blooming. Blooming.

Fast forward----
Played a game, more of stimulation. Kids were confused. Couldn't get it. But was then simplified. Well, shooting water guns at each other after a long time was nice.

Okay. Home. Was a long time reaching there. Tired. Very.

Happenings 1: Food Fair [25th Nov]

2005-12-01T20:52:00.000-12:00

According to the photos:
There were people.
Youth Ablaze sold watermelons and papayas.
Wee Yin and I had nothing better to do. So we made 'Youth Ablaze' out of a few pieces of watermelon and a small unriped papaya.
Paulus ate the E. So had to do another one.
The papaya sellers (unknown) drew smiley faces on the papayas, as part of the price.
Watermelons can't stand the sun! They need to be sheltered too..
Knives. Ready to chop the watermelon into billions of pieces! Yeah! Revenge?

How this came about:
Youth Ablaze is raising funds for our new Youth Centre, and to cover up for those who cannot afford to pay the ESPlosion IV camp. The senior citizens helped us, by having this Food Fair. They did the cooking, we did the pubicity and setting up of the stalls. All of us helped to sell the food. At the end of the day, I don't know how much we got. But I know that it is more than ten cents...

How it was to me:
Good. Jaga-ed the drinks and kuih side. Then went to kacau with the watermelons and the watermelon people. Well, I got to play. With money and watermelons and papayas. Yay! I'm sastisfied.

changed? and wonder why.

2005-11-25T00:20:00.000-12:00

I was reading my journal and my pass posts, with this in mind.

There were some posts which had quizzes..
I retook them, and what I got was totally different from what I got then.

I wonder why.

have I changed?

Well, aside from that...

During one of the morning sessions in camp, who represented TCF (Teacher's Christian Fellowship) came to speak about being the salt and the light of the world. She gave a few testimonies -shared about other teachers, what God has done in their lives, etc. Before that, she did two surveys. One on whether or not we want to be teachers, and the other on whether or not it is good having Christian teachers around in schools.

For the first one, the question: Would you want to become a teacher?
I ticked no.

I do not know why I do not want to be one.
But there's a longing. Desire?
Uncertain. Unknown.

This came to my mind when I just did this for the second time.

Teacher
You scored 57% Do Gooder, 60% Drive, and 67% Intellect!

You are a smarty-pants and eager to share your knowledge with others, while still open to absorbing everything in your environment. That is why you are a teacher (and at the same time, a perpetual student). You have above average intelligence and the drive to be effective in your life and the lives of others. You are also a good person who cares about others, but yourself as well, generally not letting people take advantage of you. A teacher is a great thing to be and we need more humans like you in the world.

And I still wonder why.

Speaking of which, I was telling Xing-Rong about the chicken heart -it's the same with the human heart. And how cool it is to actually see the hole where the arteries and veins are been placed. I wanted to continue, until he said: Okay okay. Enough.

I'm not that bad, am I?

broken - past. sympathise - future.

2005-11-24T00:51:00.000-12:00

Jian Wei and I were sharing about our background, our past -what makes us alive and well then- in general terms. One of the things that we both had, was a period of time.. longing for our parent's presence. But wasn't there.

I was taken aback; Jian Wei's words of such rang into my ears.
I never found anyone.
But hey, just found someone who actually went through that.

I had bad times. So does everyone else. No less different.

My mum is working, six days a week from 7a.m. to 5.00p.m.
My dad is working too. During school hours, during school days.

It has been three years.

They have never seen me run, or jump for any sports event.

Three years, right?

The first year wasn't that bad. Didn't take part much.

The second one was a lil' worst. Cause I took part in more events.

This year was the third year. And I took part in the most events compared to last year.
It was bad enough. Not only was I scared. They were all new events (for MSSD).
I only had Jit to go to.
He was there for all my events, even though he was sick.
The only one who pushed me hard.
Cheered on for me when the finishing line approached.
Comforted me when I feared, cried.

And I wondered.

If Jit's here, then where are my parents?

This is just like.. nothing compared to what Sweet Yee has been through.
She waited for her parents to get her from camp 'cause she wasn't feeling very well.
They made her wait. and, wait.
From 9.30a.m. to 10.30p.m.
Not the first time though.

Well, my side of the story.
Glad that Jian Wei and I could understand -feel those moments.
And for Sweet Yee too.

From 2 Corinthians 1:4, ".. [God] comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received."

"How can you sympathise with those whose hearts are broken when yours remains unbroken?" Selwyn Hughes shares his personal experience in one of his Every Day with Jesus devotional guides.

trust

2005-11-23T23:13:00.000-12:00

It is amazing to see how fast, how instant people loose their trust in others.
Amazing also, that two such cases have been unleashed to me during and after camp.

Taking the risk of letting people know, trusting them keep it to themselves.
The next day it's selling like hot cakes, freshly baked from the oven.

But wait.
What does trust mean?
On Word Web, it says: The trait of trusting; of believing in the honesty and reliability of others. Allow without fear. Confer a trust upon. Certainty based on past experience.

Is it really trusting when I have some doubts on someone?

Hard to trust at first, even harder to hold no grudges when it comes to broken trust.
Even harder to gain trust from anyone else.
There will be no more next times, at that time.

The pass remains. Untouched.
The hurt remains. Piercing through.
No one to tell. Reserved. Restrained.
Try escaping. End up forgetting. End up leaving it stale.

Until.
Someone blurts out the truth in them. Make them speak it out.
Refocus.
Shifting attention to the hiding thoughts.
Make way for history to bleed. cry. flood.
Words of anger, frustrations speed up after every word.

You know, don't you?
What to do..
to be cleared and gone.
But no, things aren't they way you knew it should be.
It's okay.
Humans dear, humans.
Of flesh and blood.

Well, based on both "cases" comes this.
Though sometimes people may seem all fine, the inside ain't.
The deepest inside.
The deepest inside.

And hey, it's not the quantity of friends that I know.
It's the quality of friends that I have.

some flashes back

2005-11-22T14:08:00.000-12:00

Yesterday after the C'mas Cheer practice, I went to Wee Yin's house together with Kar Mun. Biasa lah, they did those girlish stuff (or so they say). I joined them too. Painted my nails. After all, it's for free! *but that's beside the point* Anyway, as I was painting my nails, memories of camp came flashing through my mind. And one of it was what I've learnt or what I've came to acknowledgement.

Part 1: People - Talents/Gifting.
It is hard for those who are late bloomers - knowing what their talents/gifting are. Hard because they struggle, when everyone (or so to seem) has already found their own talents/gifting. And at that time, there is always a high risk of those "I am so useless" kind of thoughts to dwell in their mind. They could even be suicidal. But when they grow up (if they do), they will know that something awaits them. Thus, it makes them more aware of themselves - whatever they do - they will consider if they are good at it. Oh, the joy of discovering!

As for those who have clearly visible talents/gifting. Not to say that there is no struggle, but sometimes they do take things for granted. Maybe not even sparing thought on others. I do believe that they struggle on one part. Which is being able to cope with people who are not like them. This includes, not making expectations. That will be darn hard especially when they are a perfectionist.

Part 2: People - Loud and Quiet.
Some people just can't stop talking. Even though they have nothing to say, they will just keep on repeating their words. That is neither good nor bad. Hahh. But obviously, loud people will always talk talk talk. And make people amused. Even if they can't get a proper job next time, they can always be an entertainer.

Quiet people, you'll never know what they are thinking when they are quiet. (Obvious?)
Tend to be living in the world of their own. Talk limitedly.

I guess that there are people who are loud to balance out those who are quiet.
Especially in a group.
Though at times the loud ones will get fed up of being loud.

Part 3: People - Ishy Irky Girls.
Can't say it's hard, or easy, living with them.

Sum up: Appreciate the Creator. Appreciate the His creations. Give thanks.

---------------------------------------------------------
Those who don't know:
I went for NSCF (National School Christian Fellowship) last week.
Took a bus to Seremban with two Daniels. Cheng and Gan.
Was in STM.

boy girl relationship

2005-11-20T21:01:00.000-12:00

All my life, generally everyone tells me that having a boy girl relationship (bgr) is bad. wrong. not now.

But, WHY?
It's not like impure things are going to happen.. like Jian Wei said.

So why?

Jia Ming said this, relationships should be taken seriously. And it's 'not now' because there is no maturity. Something like that.

I think that it is all up to individuals. The choices or commitments that they make.
But I still don't see any reason to why it is wrong. bad. whatever.

hm.

I still do find this interesting, to why have a girl:
Someone to hold hands with. Experience life with someone.

As said, there's more to just holding hands.

something to await

2005-11-12T17:44:00.000-12:00

since

2005-11-10T22:01:00.000-12:00

I've made up my mind to go for ESP (yes, I finally did)..

I've been learning that money doesn't come so easily.
and if i want something, work for it. i've got to earn it.
to make it worth it.

So here are all my jobs. Rarely found though.

Cook a complete main meal (except breakfast)
RM5 per meal
My mum wants me to learn how to cook.. i mean, cook cook.

Mop the floor, wash the toilet and bathroom floor.
Weekly for RM 5.

Do some stuff for my dad.
RM 20

My parents provide me with jobs, and I get paid.
It's good to have parents, afterall.

maybe

2005-11-10T02:48:00.000-12:00

sometimes things just aren't the way i want them to be
maybe it's not meant for me
or right for me
but i want it so to happen
much
but i cannot
i am committed
cannot go against it
cannot
cannot
cannot
cannot
cannot
cannot
cannot
cannot
cannot.

Indecisive - Empty Decorations :
I wake in the dawn to showers of light
Moments of emptiness surround
Floating away with auras of hope
But reality brings me down to the ground
What can i do ?
What can i say ?
I need a place to hide away
Just for a while, just for a smile
Just for the life i used to know

Where every song
Was filled with words of love and not of anger
Where did they go ?
Why did they leave me far behind ?

chorus:
Cause i don't wanna be alone (Oh)
Living life all on my own (Oh)
I don't wanna live my life in isolation
Filled with empty decorations
Cause i wanna be with the people that i know
Who will do the things i do (Oh)
Making all my dreams come true
I don't recognise the shadows on my door
Although i've seen them all before
Because the only thing i really want is to be with you...

I look at the sky, it looks back at me
I can't hear the silent melodies
I know that i'm here yet i am lost
Blown in confusion by the breeze
Hiding my face, crying alone
I need to find my way back home
Back to the place, the wonderful days
Living the life i used to know

Where every smile
Was born out of a love and of sincerity
And every tear of everflowing joy

this shows..

2005-11-08T15:58:00.000-12:00

that the wheather in Malacca was good. and the trip was nice.

why

2005-10-31T16:21:00.000-12:00

do i keep changing my template?

cause..
i need to feel sastisfied, for the sake of someone, nothing better to do, dunno, for fun..
something like that.

Hey, you know about the story about the fox and the shepherd boy?
This boy says that there's a wolf attacking his sheeps, then all the penduduk-penduduk come and help him, but he lied, so they went back home angry at him. He did that for two times.

Then came the third time, when the wolf really came, but when the boy calls for help, everyone didn't bother. In the end, the wolf ate up all his sheeps and he was left alone crying.

It is used to teach kids that they shouldn't lie..
if not then no one will come and help us after that.

But maybe it could be the other way round.
Maybe this also shows that the penduduk wasn't giving him another second chance and they didn't really care or love him..
cause if they did, then they would have gone and helped him, right?

what I've been up to (edited)

2005-10-31T16:15:00.000-12:00

1) Cleared my things and collectables.

You'll never know what I keep. These are just a part of my stuff.

2) Thinking if it's okay to give away presents that I don't use.

3) Visited the BP Youth and their church.

4) Visited the Kampung Gajah Prison.
which was a total let down!

5) Interact Club form 5 farewell.

6) Preparing for Sharing Day

7) Sharing Day

8)Missing the form 5's school team.

9) Designing Tshirts to raise funds

after pmr

2005-10-19T21:13:00.000-12:00

i might not be blogging for some time.

due to after PMR stress..

er.. like getting ideas for designs.. backdrops..

but i can't think of any?

anyways,

till then, byebye.

iky

2005-10-09T03:01:00.000-12:00

i freaked out.
bet you knew i did.
pressure in your voice. fear.
regretted calling you.
rude.
not even wanting a thank YOU?
it's not right okay.

one thing

2005-10-05T22:21:00.000-12:00

I have one thing to say.

PMR is nice.

social suicide + fagged = poor fish

2005-10-01T00:14:00.000-12:00

thoughts of childhood days flashes by:
those periods of social suicide - not attending church, or speaking,
where the back lane became my hang out,
my parents were just people who instructed me,
siblings just passed by,
and the mind was always seeking for something more to every thing.

social suicide is a norm. get the hang of it?

* *
let those who are always mentioned,
be always mentioned till their very bed of death.
let those who are missed much,
be for eternity be missed,
to the deepest depth of their soul.
i'm really sure they won't get fagged.

I haven't been answering these questions.

2005-09-26T02:42:00.000-12:00

Q1: Wassup?
A cloud of uncertainties.

Q2: Why you didn't come for CG?
I have my reasons.

Q3: Are you going for ESP camp?
Stop asking.

It doesn't make much difference,
does it?
Sorry.
I am in the midst of
"couldn't care less-ness"
and
"does it really matter?ness".

Talking to me nowadays might be a bad idea.
Just a note,
in case you freak out or somethinfg.

physical apperance, esp face apperance

2005-09-15T21:31:00.000-12:00

It is not fair when come to beauty, self apperance. It will never sastisfy some. It will, unless he is really sastisfied or couldn't care less with how his physical apperance may be. Those who are not yet sstisfied, it might be because of the lack of self confidence, or, the lack of knowing that the physical apperance doesn't really matter, or, the lack of knowing how to bring out the goodness of so called bad stuff. Somehow, maybe some of them will be sastisfied. One day.

As for me, it has been two great years. In between, I did struggle, but to a certain extend. I guess it wasn't that bad. I never really did care anyway. After all, if I know that God looks at my heart, then what really is the point getting so obessed about it? And remembering that everything on earth will fade/pass away. I go to heaven, and then, get a new body, right? So, why care much about my face now? If people say that I might not find a future husband next time, wuoh, who said that I am getting married? Even if I do get married, I'm sure that the guy would apply this saying "beauty lies in the eye of the beholder".

Yesterday night, I was squeezing this two pimples on my face. It's really nice squeezing them out. Feeling the pinch of pain, while the nana comes out, then blood. It's fun =)

As for when I meet people, what do people say about what their eye sees? In church, it's really really funny.. hilarious.. hilariously funny. Uncles and aunties will tell me weird ways to keep off those pimples on my face. Like, putting saliva on my face each time before I knock off to bed, and, putting rice water on my face. It's weirdly hilariously funny. And uh, I am not making fun of them. It's just those methods that I get.

Well, that's leaves nothing more. Have fun!

Jimmy Eat World
In The Middle lyrics
hey, dont write your self off yet
its only in your head you feel left out
or looked down on
just try your best
try everything you can
and dont you worry what they tell themselves
when your away

it just takes some time
little girl your in the middle
of the ride
everything(everything) will be just fine
everything(everything) will be alright (alright)

hey, you know they're all the same.
you know you're doing better on your own, so don't buy in.
live right now.
yeah, just be yourself.
it doesn't matter if its good enough, for someone else.

It just takes some time, little girl you're in the middle of the ride
everything (everything) will be just fine,
everything (everything) will be alright (alright)

hey,dont write yourself off yet.
its only in your head you feel left out
or looked down on.
just do your best, do everything you can.
and don't you worry what the bitter hearts are gonna say.

It just takes some time, little girl you're in the middle of the ride.
everything (everything) will be just fine,
everything (everything) will be alright (alright)

arghh.

2005-09-10T02:58:00.000-12:00

having continuous toes cramps = PAIN.
had two today during YF.
first my fourth right toe, then my big right toe.
being tormented!
haha..
but thanks to Shu Fern,
who managed to do some stuff with my toes..
and made it better.

it's a test of how much one can stand pain ; )

shaggy look

2005-09-05T03:26:00.000-12:00

You have a shaggy look
wet.

Is there no home that i see?

Some are fortunate,
while the rest are just a part of the background.

People unseen unheard,
things unnoticed.

Or, is it just the trigger of the mind?

saturday morning

2005-09-02T15:30:00.000-12:00

Wake up at 7.50am
Wash up
Warm up
Go running!
Eat.

What a good way to start my Saturday morning,
instead of sleeping till late in the morning.

One thing I don't like facing every week:

To wash or not to wash?
there's no point washing them,
when they keep on getting dirty.

so.. i inconveniently forget.

Turtledoves

2005-09-01T14:55:00.000-12:00

i think i like turtle doves.
But i don't understand: Why do people kill them/hunt for them?

*Scientific name : Streptopelia turtur

**Current status :
The turtle dove is a summer migrant that breeds at the northern edge of its range in the UK.
It is confined largely to the south and east of England and is associated with fertile arable farmland in warm, dry situations. The population was at a high at the time of the first breeding atlas (1968-72). However, the Common Bird Census index has indicated a fall of around 60% in the population since this time, and the new breeding atlas (1988-91) shows a marked decrease in range of around 25%. The latest population estimate, taken from the new atlas, is approximately 75,000 territories.

The turtle dove is declining in many parts of Europe although it is still common and widespread in the lowlands of central and southern Europe. It generally occurs below 350 m in a variety of fairly dry, sunny, sheltered habitats.

The turtle dove is protected under the Wildlife and Countryside Act 1981 and Schedule 1 of the Wildlife (Northern Ireland) Order 1985. It is a traditional quarry species in Mediterranean countries and, as such, is listed on Annex II of the EC Birds Directive.

***Definition :
Dove. Doves and pigeons belong to the same family. They are often mentioned in the Bible as if they are the same animal. The rock dove found in Palestine is the wild ancestor of our common street pigeon. Turtledoves are migrants. They spend the months of April to October in the Holy Land, filling the air with soft cooing when they arrive each Spring.

Doves come in several colors, from pure white to the chestnut-colored palm turtledove. Even the plain gray pigeon has a silver sheen. Solomon waxed poetic over doves' eyes. David longed for "wings like a dove" , so he could fly away from his enemies. Pigeons were probably the first domesticated bird. When people realized doves could travel long distances and always find their way home, they used them to carry messages. Homing pigeons have keen eyes with which they spot landmarks to help them stay on the right route. Hebrews ate pigeons and, from Abraham's time, used them in sacrifice.

Even a poor man could provide a pigeon or two for worship, as Joseph and Mary did at Jesus' circumcision . Doves appear to express affection, stroking each other, and "billing and cooing." They mate for life, sharing nesting and parenting duties. They are gentle birds that never resist attack or retaliate against their enemies. Even when her young are attacked, a dove will give only a pitiful call of distress.

Because of its innocence and gentle nature, the dove is a common religious symbol. The Holy Spirit took the form of a dove at Jesus' baptism . The dove also symbolizes peace, love, forgiveness, and the church. (from Nelson's Illustrated Bible Dictionary (Copyright (C) 1986, Thomas Nelson Publishers)

****Two Turtledoves at Passover in the Hebrew Sacrifical System :
In ancient Israel it was in the Providence of God that large numbers of doves were all around and easily caught as the Feast of the Passover approached. Not all had the means to take a lamb for a burnt offering. For the poor, those who could not afford a lamb, God had allowed the offering of two turtledoves in lieu of a lamb. This was the sacrifice offered by Joseph and Mary, the parents of Jesus as they went up to the feast.

LUKE 2
21 And when eight days were completed for the circumcision of the Child, His name was called Jesus, the name given by the angel before He was conceived in the womb. 22 Now when the days of her purification according to the law of Moses were completed, they brought Him to Jerusalem to present Him to the Lord 23 (as it is written in the law of the Lord, "Every male who opens the womb shall be called holy to the Lord"), 24 and to offer a sacrifice according to what is said in the law of the Lord,
"A pair of turtledoves or two young pigeons." (Luke 2:21-24)

It seems that God, then as now, is more interested in the heart attitude when a presentation is made to Him than the sacrifice itself. (1Sam.15:22)

In the Levitical law a pair of turtledoves is acceptable to God as an offering in lieu of a lamb.(Lev.5:7, 14:22) Why should this be? Surely the absolute requirement for entry into the covenant of God would be the lamb, typifying as it does, the Lamb slain from the foundation of the earth. (Rev.13:8) Is God being slack here? Why does the Levitical Law permit the offering of two turtledoves for those "too poor" to provide a lamb? The blood of the turtledove is wrung out on the sides of the altar. (Lev. 1:14-15). This is interesting. Why the sides of the altar and not on the altar? And why mourning doves? What is God telling us in this picture here?

**Current factors causing loss or decline :
The decline of the turtle dove has occurred at the same time as decreases in the numbers and/or range of other farmland birds which share its diet of grass and weed seeds. It is therefore likely that its decline may be due, at least in part, to changes in agricultural practice such as the increased use of herbicides and fertilisers, which have reduced the quantity and variety of wildflowers on arable land.

Turtle doves nest in large hedges and mature scrub, and also retreat to the safety of this dense vegetation when disturbed. The loss of features such as overgrown hedgerows and hawthorn thickets on farmland is likely to have had an adverse effect on the population.

As a long-distance migrant, the turtle dove faces threats, particularly from hunting, outside the UK. It is heavily shot in France and the Iberian peninsula. Tens of thousands of birds are also shot in their wintering areas, mainly Senegal, and many more are killed on migration through Morocco.

In the UK, turtle doves are associated with light soils in the drier parts of the country and the decrease in range of the species has been most marked in the north and west. It is therefore possible that some climatic factor may be operating.

Little is known of the effects of habitat or climatic changes in the wintering grounds of the species. Turtle doves spend part of the year, particularly February and March, in acacia scrub in the Sahel region, and recent drought conditions and habitat destruction there have coincided with a steep decline in numbers.

**Current action :
Until recently the turtle dove was not regarded as a species of conservation concern, so little action for it has been carried out. Rotational set-aside will have benefited the species, although this has been significantly reduced in area in recent years. New prescriptions encouraging the growth of spring-sown cereals and retention of winter stubbles in the South Downs ESA, and the pilot Arable Stewardship Scheme, should also benefit the turtle dove.

EN/GCT have undertaken a pilot study into the summer ecology and habitat use of the turtle dove which has made recommendations for a full study that will determine the importance of agricultural factors in the decline of the population.

The EC and French government are under pressure to ensure that the legislation on hunting is enforced. The turtle dove is one of a number of species identified for a Species Management Plan by the EC. The plan is being funded by the EC and coordinated by the Office National de la Chasse. GCT is undertaking an analysis of European ringing recoveries of the turtle dove in an attempt to investigate trends in hunting pressure and survival.

*http://www.birdsofbritain.co.uk/bird-guide/turtle-dove.htm
**http://www.ukbap.org.uk/UKPlans.aspx?ID=58
***http://www.firstnationsmonday.com/RevJeny/Jenysletters/Jensletter3.htm
****http://endtimepilgrim.org/2turtledoves.htm

let's make people happy!

2005-08-30T20:45:00.000-12:00

yay!
People want to be filled with happiness everyday.
That's why McD can survive with Happy Meals.
(or, is it because of the toys? they get the toys and become happy! maybe.)
And, that's why I,
I, must study and work hard,
achieving good grades,
so that Johore can be at some place in some examination sastistics.
I will make the edu fella happy.
And when I get good stuff,
aww.. my parents will be so proud of me!
My extended family will praise me.
The Hainanise Association will give me money.
My school too, will give me money.
I will make them happy.
And, they will make me happy too.

But, I don't want to be happy.
And do i have to make people happy?
After all, it's all for the sake of sastistics.
All for the sake of name.
Fame.
Ah, call that "motivation".
It motivates me more to be a sadist.
Call yourself a counseller.

this are the affects of me towards weird people. pointless people.
say whatever you want to say.
about me, about who i am, what i am.. whatever.
'cause i am who i am.
who you think i am, or what you think i am,
that's up to individuals.

jelly beans and needled chicken

2005-08-28T01:50:00.000-12:00

I love jelly beans.

My bro came back with goodies from Aus.
And I just. just. just. can't stop eating the jelly beans.
Yay to jelly beans!
Long live jelly beans!

I realise something.
I love jelly beans!
nah.

It's hard not being able to do the things that I want.
Or, the things that I want to be done my way.
There must be those "introverted" thing inside my mechanical system.

Let me just say,
that doing that at home,
is like piercing needles* into a cold dead frozen chicken**.
Like that picture.
An illustration.

*piercing needles - the amount of noise from parents, and stuff i can't do, if i don't do what they want.

** cold dead frozen chicken - me. being "down-right disobedient" (as my parents would say). being cold inwardly towards them. begining to tell myself that i'll do whatever they say, without sharing my personal stuff.

star biscuit

2005-08-27T04:38:00.000-12:00

Star.. yay.
I made a biscuit star.
how many people can do that right?
many maybe.

Mat Rempit dan jalan raya

taking on screens

2005-08-23T20:02:00.000-12:00

hmm..
has anyone tried taking a picture
of the tv screen while there's something on?

get capture moments of flashing screens,
to see how the cam reacts towards it,
and,
looks as if you really took that pic in 'real life'..